#NoCoverUp

Are we really surprised about the spate of domestic violence unleashed by the COVID-19 pandemic? This brief by UNWOMEN has estimated that globally, 243 million women and girls between the ages of 15 and 49 have experienced sexual and/or physical violence perpetrated by an intimate partner in the previous 12 months. “This number is likely to increase as security, health, and money worries heighten tensions and strains are accentuated by cramped and confined living conditions.”

What was that last sentence again?

It almost sounded like a justification for domestic violence.

As the world attempts a feeble recovery from the pandemic, economic uncertainty will continue for a long time. More people than before have lost jobs, women and youth have been impacted disproportionately by unemployment and redundancies. But to explain the increase in domestic violence by linking this to job losses, frustrations, and being locked up is to deny an important truth: violence against women (and children) has always existed. It has been explained, justified, and accepted – generation after generation.

Until the pandemic exposed the fault lines and hypocrisy of a society resting on toxic patriarchy, this violence was brushed under the rug, patched up with rancid makeup, vehemently denied, and justified. It was always the victim’s fault.

As rampant domestic violence revealed itself to be a pandemic within a pandemic, I was a little shocked with the cause and effect approach to this phenomenon. Here’s our opportunity to build back a better society and address patriarchy head on, and we still stick to addressing employment, prolonged lockdown and similar superficial issues. It’s like fighting a symptom and not a disease, which will undoubtedly have bouts of resurgence.

So, how do we address this problem? As I contemplated possible solutions and watched how people in power and corporations with influence and resources made genuine efforts to support victims (or survivors), I realised that few initiatives would last beyond the pandemic. Few would even reach the victims. Uber for example, announced a free ride and meal to women escaping domestic violence and shortly after, laid off many of its drivers. Then there was the usual coded messages women could give at pharmacies that would then communicate with local authorities, often the police, and arrest their partners. Helplines were constantly busy, advising survivors on how help could reach on time. Keeping women digitally connected was key to keeping them safe.

All these solutions however, rested on women seeking help.

Would they work in an environment where women often don’t recognise violence even when it hits them in the face? Or where support systems and shelter homes advise women to return to their homes and the abuser? Where if the police arrests her husband, it is a matter of great family shame and can result in the woman being ostracised? Would this work if women were not as mobile and lacked access to a phone or the internet? Would it work where women don’t have assets – property or even small finances – and don’t have to return to their parents every time there is a problem? In other words, would this work in India?

The answer frustrated me. This survivor-centred approach favoured status quo. Certainly, I could do a bit more than just writing a blog.

And then, MTV India came calling. Snapchat filters that were being used by women to cover up domestic violence in the past, were suddenly back in vogue. Women with no recourse were adding filters to their bruises and pretending all was well. With an audience of over 300 million in the 15 to 34 year age group thriving on music and reality shows, the channel rightly realised that to stop these behaviours, the communication had to be targeted to the youth. Inspired by the Makeup Brush Challenge on TikTok, they created a powerful version for the Indian audience. Watch this here. The next step was to create content explaining the problem to the youth and telling them what they could do to stop the violence and more importantly, not repeat these behaviours in their own lives.

When they approached me to examine the problem on camera as part of their campaign, I found my medium. The messages came to me clearly and spontaneously. Knowing that behaviours can be influenced when people are most impressionable, my main message to the generation that will inherit the wreckage left behind by the pandemic is this:

Never justify violence.

If you find yourself justifying the violence, you are participating in the violence. The violence that you see around you, in your homes, to your mothers, your siblings, and maybe even yourself, exists because we have been complicit in explaining and accepting it. So, let us stop telling ourselves that people are losing jobs and their frustration is unleashing the worst. Let us stop saying that if you put people together in a confined space over a period of time, they will inevitably hurt each other.

Violence is a perverse act of asserting one’s superiority. It stems from insecurity. Only weak people attack the vulnerable. Imagine justifying a violent act against someone who has nowhere to go? Violence stems from patriarchy that considers women inferior than men and uses power to dominate them. Curiously, even though women suffer more, they perpetuate patriarchy as much as men. Maybe because they don’t know better. Or maybe, because generations of violence and abuse has lowered their threshold for what they can demand as equals. Some women seek validation and find love in this abuse. That is simply wrong. Just because people around you engage in abuse and violence, doesn’t make it right. Realise that everyone is equal and treat people with dignity and respect. It is up to us to end this violence, NOW.

So if you know of a victim of domestic violence or a perpetrator, call them out. Speak out. The world we rebuild after the pandemic will be a gentler, more humane world, if more of us do. This is our opportunity to build back an equal world.

The full advertorial will be out in a few days and this blog will be updated and reposted!

I’d love any feedback on how we can collectively stop the violence.